Another edit. I cut the second stanza entirely. Is there not enough setup for the ending?
A Field Along I-84
I am confronted on the right and on the left with
Absolute Flatness -
tilled but unplanted:
a desire unfulfilled -
and I am compelled to grasp the landscape like a tablecloth
or the end of a skein of rough wool
and pull,
supressed at first
then desperate,
piling up the sheets of dirt at my feet:
Searching for mountains.
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5 comments:
I like it.
I know that's not allowed, but right now I can't tell what or why.
I just like it.
thanks. we'll take any compliments we can get, reasoned or otherwise.
Ben-
I think it's a marked improvement- the only thing left that I can catch is "Sheets of dirt"- You might set the final line up more effectively by replacing "Dirt" in the second to last line with "Stone" or some variation thereof.
Abiding,
Bom
But how would the dirt from the first stanza suddenly become stone?
The skein of wool confuses me. How did the 2D flatness suddenly turn into 1D yarn? And yarn in a skein is already, in a sense, piled up...what good would it do to pull it apart before piling it up again?
(Y'all really need to change the comment time stamp to include the date. It's pretty easy to find in the Blogger Settings tab.)
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