What is this virgin stillness lo,
that shakes the sleeping spell
from dormant eyes? What is this calm
repose that scales the fjeld
to herald dawn's advancing light?
What this tranquility -
supreme quiescence, paramount?
What this serenity,
embracing in its advent glow
the slumber of the earth,
whose eastern hills prepare to grant
the rising glory birth?
The long-awaited genesis
alights when day is born;
'tis only then I understand
the silence of the morn.
The sky is blue with winter - cloud-
less, pure sublime. The air
is quiet in a silent breath
of humble vigor. Sphere
within a sphere - the glorious sun
at lesser zenith warms
the frozen earth in mild thaw.
The light of noonday forms
a blinding spectacle: the white
ice crystal meadow gleams
and forests made of trees of glass
surround snow-water streams.
The mountains peak where colors meet
in age-old boundaries.
Horizons hide where heavens rest
behind the alpine frieze.
Transfigured hangs the firmament.
The haze of heaven's veil
divides to join the severed spheres
as evening aura trails
the mortal ivory flame's descent
through hosts of softened rays.
The uniform azure reveals
ethereal display:
sheer turquoise yields to sapphirine;
the day-star bleeds velour
that wraps through western silhouettes
with ribbons lavender.
Diffused in blush, the glory rests
with patience to ascend,
in sleep secure with promise sure
to rise and live again.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
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2 comments:
I will address you as Tim, because I think this is Tim.
I like it.
First stanza: nigh flawless. Little things: "sleeping" drains "dormant" (2nd, 3rd line) of any impact. "fjeld" must be the Norwegian spelling for field. "dawn's advancing light" seems said before, is this Fitzgerald's Iliad?
Drop "'tis" in second to last line of stanza. But side from that, beautiful.
Brilliant rhythm. Powerfully seductive. "quiescence, paramount" is pure inspired genius.
2nd stanza: Why is "cloudless split"? Distracting and doesn't fit. "Silent breath" is good by itself, but "humble vigor" steals its impact. Whether this is a typo or not "mild thaw" looks like a mistake. That latter part of the stanza I'd like the discription to make the world more strange, make it more foreign. Suggestion...
3rd stanza: Love first line. "mortal ivory flame" I dig. "softened" when applied to rays I don't dig. Not happy with "sheer" either. Excellent use of "velour".
Perhaps it is me in my headreading but the ending doesn't punch me. Is it punchy to people? I'll give it a few days and read it again.
The other thing about the colours at the end, and I think this was said last time (way to not listen) but since so many different colors came flying out at us we don't really register them. Perhaps that's the point and I don't really have a solution if you won't to make the reader feel these colours.
I don't really know what it means to feel colours either. I just say these things. You have to make sense of them.
But enjoyed it.
This poem was gorgeous. Geology, astronomy, and Baz Lurhmann mixed together. And what is remarkable about it is that the ending doesn't bail out or get weak. V. good.
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